amorexmachina | We're damaged people, drawn together

We're damaged people, drawn together

With the head start he had in Eudio, and even more resources available to him once they had returned to Hux's universe, it took Caleb very little time to adapt to and even begin to excel at programming and designing code. He took easily to binary as well, and before long he was having conversations with the droids, altering and improving on their protocols, and even streamlining some of the older routes and codes the already existed onboard the various stations and ships.

All of it was like a dream he never wanted to wake from, and he sometimes over-enthusiastically threw himself into it. The appearances between he and Hux were nearly uncanny, but it took little time for the officers and stormtroopers to be able to tell him from Hux even without the uniform cues. When he wasn't burying himself in work or forcing his way through training, he was relaxed and even friendly toward the members of the First Order. He kept a data-pad on him at all times, running diagnostics on droids and panels around the ship whenever he had a spare moment in passing them.

The training was the hardest part. He refused to give up, and he had become acceptably decent with a gun, but he was determined to see it through. He had not had a lifetime, or even half of one, being pushed to be more than he was. He had never been much of a physically active man, and it showed in his slight and thin frame. He lacked much of the tone and muscle that he knew could be found on Hux, despite their apparent similar looks. But he wanted to be ready and capable, on the off chance anything ever happened.

He didn't want to end up being luggage or a burden if a fight or the war got ugly, as things like that often did. Hux had plenty of enemies, and while Caleb trusted the man could defend and protect him, he wanted to be able to do so for himself, and maybe even Hux if it came down to.

He had never killed anyone. Even Nathan had been an accident of unintended circumstance, and Caleb had not been the one holding the knife. He was just the one who released the weapon. He didn't want to kill anyone, either. He just wanted to help Hux accomplish his goals while working on something greater. But if it came down to it, and Hux was the one in danger, Caleb wanted to know that if he had to pull the trigger, he wouldn't miss.

He had just finished working on training for the day, battered and bruised from trying to keep up with even the younger stormtroopers, and he dropped his datapad gently onto a table, pulling his shirt off before collapsing face first onto the lounge chair with a stiff groan.

He laid there motionless for a moment, and then lightly skittered his fingers along the floor, waiting for a sleek furred companion to come racing out of hiding to greet him. He didn't know how busy Hux was at the moment, or if he would make it back to that part of the ship, but if he did he would find his battered near-twin playing finger chase with their feline friend, and his face half buried in a cushion.

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"If you were anyone else, I'd be concerned that Millicent loved you more." Hux moves through the door, his eyes brushing over Caleb and the cat with a faint, fond smile. He already has his hands working on removing the heavy white formal jacket, unclipping the regalia. Gathering up the pieces, he moves to place the jacket and pieces of metal in their proper places in the common area; this is was easier in the event someone came and wanted to confer with him--he needed to be able to put his things on again quickly. Though frankly, if people were coming into their private quarters, and they weren't Phasma or Ren, things would have to be falling about their ears to risk such a thing (though Mitaka was sometimes allowed over).

Since returning and becoming Emperor, Hux found himself so incredibly busy that often he didn't make it back at all; the Finalizer had become the flagship, but that didn't mean he was on it, always. Hux was still trying to find a proper final base in the outer-rim for home base--one that wasn't what Snoke used. But for all the stress, the lack of sleep, and frustrations that came with ruling the First Order...he would never have it any other way. This is what he had dreamed of--this was his destiny. To bring order to the chaos, to take out the terrorists that had plagued him since he was a child--to bring peace.

Those things were all still far in coming, but he knew, in time, he would have them--all of them would have them. It would have been harder, if he didn't have Caleb. While the other man would refute that, of course, knowing he had someone with him who truly believed in him, could understand his thought process completely, and could compliment him in many ways (warmer with others where he couldn't be)...it was more than he could have dreamed for. Phasma would always be one of his few friends, but she was an enforcer, and often was out on missions.

And Ren...well. This was not the Ren he had been Eudio with. The fact that the man was still with the First Order after his assassination of Snoke was a testament that at the core of all Rens was someone who could see the light, if given the facts. He and the other Knights of Ren were also often out on missions, though--and if he and Hux could ever form an attachment like they did before, remains to be seen.

It doesn't matter, though; Hux has Caleb, and often that is enough. The man had taken to his work so quickly, so earnestly--his training, his computer work...it's amazing. He's also so much more personable than Hux that he does an excellent job doing pr for both of them, without even realizing it.

Wearing the laurel is a heavy burden, but it would have been heavier, without Caleb.

So seeing him in the chair, playing with his/their(?) cat, is just--nice.

Hux goes to pick up some salve, a little quirk on his lips. "Sore from training?"

"She knows the difference. She just accepts that I make a decent toy and affection dispenser." His laughter is half muffled by the cushion his cheek is still pressed into, but he turns further to follow Hux's movements with a quiet, tired gaze. When Hux does make it back to their quarters it is nice. Caleb greatly enjoyed his company and their discussions when they both had the energy to have them. Even just one of them listening to the other talk was a good way to spend the down time and set Caleb more at ease.

There were times both before and after he had come with Hux where he had had doubts. Both of his own worth or value to Hux's goals and over the idea of joining a war. But after a lifetime of achieving very little beyond expanding and developing his own limited skills, it felt like the right choice, and he had full confidence in Hux and the man's ability to discern what was right in what he was trying to accomplish.

He had not once, even on his worst days, begun to regret his decision. He had given up a lonely world for one that welcomed him. As well as to keep hold of the strongest connection he had ever made with someone else. Hux had quickly grown important to him in Eudio and the bond they shared, however unusual, was a strong one built on understanding and trust. Caleb gives Millicent a final rub of her lower jaw before she moves on to Hux, with a walk full of royalty and poise. Sometimes he thinks she's the real ruler of the galaxy. She certainly seems to believe it and he loves that about her.

"I took a few hits." He isn't much of a fighter and he knows it, but he still insists on taking part in any of the training exercises they will let him. Even if it means getting roughed up. That he can handle. Pain had never really been something he shrank from. He had endured worse than a wounded pride and bruises that would heal. He still had the faint scars from the crash that put him in the hospital for a year to prove it. If the Stormtroopers could take it, he could to. Though sometimes he wondered if some of them weren't purposefully diving in harder for their own personal issues.

"I did better on my weapons exercise this time." He sounds hopeful. Hux had helped him a lot with their shooting practice in Eudio, and Caleb is still working hard at it. He's not the natural shot Hux seems to be, but his practice is paying off and his aim is good. He just needs to work on his breathing and, really, his conviction. Even shooting at droids is a difficult prospect at times, no matter what they are built for, and he prefers the stationary targets despite knowing they are not realistic.

Hux sighs when Millicent comes over to him, and while holding onto the jar of salve, he snaps his fingers, not even flinching as his cat bounds up his leg so that she can perch on his shoulder, a well practiced move. He closes his eyes for a moment at the sound of her purr, and the rubbing of her face against his jaw. "I missed you too, girl." It's said quietly, not necessarily meant to be heard. She had been with him since the early days, but Hux was happy that she wasn't the only thing that greeted him when he got back to his quarters. As much as he loved his cat, Caleb was a slightly better companion--well, a much better one, in truth.

Opening his eyes again, he watches Caleb carefully, taking in everything the man is saying, along with his words. "I am sure--just remember, when in hand to hand...fight smart, not hard. You will never be able to match most of your partners in strength," he never could, after all, "So you must use your better brain to outsmart them."

Still, he steps forward, gesturing for Caleb to sit on the floor in front of the chair; Hux will take the chair himself so he has better access to those sore shoulders and back. If anyone saw this...well. He knows there are whispers about the strange relationship, the false brother or clone--but Hux frankly doesn't care what they say, as long as they fully respect Caleb and see him as his own person--because he is, wholly and completely.

"I'll review the practice next cycle, but I have seen you getting better...at all things." He lets out a breath, annoyed when his stomach makes a noise. "Have you eaten yet?" Hux realizes, absently, he isn't quite sure what time it is--but that is common. Too much work to do, too little time.

The words are similar to the slight lecture he had received from Captain Phasma not long before. Caleb could see Hux's trust in here, and he put faith in her because of it, and because she was not the type to take less than his respect. Still, hearing it come from Hux solidifies it further, and he sits up, watching Hux move and smiling when he sees Millicent perch so gracefully on his shoulders.

Caleb slips down onto the floor as Hux approaches, leaving enough room for the other to get into the chair. He leans forward slightly, the muscles in his back pulling with tension enough to make him momentarily wince. He needs to work on his battle strategy and he knows it, but his punches still falter slightly mid throw and his reflexes are still a bit too slow. He needs to react faster.

"Not since early this afternoon." Time was hard to keep track of. There were schedules and clocks of course, but the lack of a rotational day and night cycle from the sun, Caleb was often a bit disoriented by the passing of time. He tried to live by alarms and where or what Hux was doing instead, keeping mind of as much of Hux's schedule as could be planned ahead and kept track off. More often than not he was asleep before Hux made it back, and sometimes only just waking as Hux was leaving. But he did his best to make sure Hux's free time was at least somewhat restful where he could help.

He leans forward a little more and glances over his shoulder to look up at Hux. He looks tired, but Caleb thinks that might be a standard for Hux. He has so much on his plate all the time. Caleb smiles and rests his arms on his knees.

"I meant to grab something on the way back." But he had been tired and distracted. Still. It's not often they have time to share a meal and it could be nice if Hux has the time for it before he sleeps. There's a part of him that always feels guilty when Hux spends some of his rest time on Caleb, but he knows not to say as much.

Phasma is the person on the ship that he trusts above all else--she and Caleb are the people that he trusts never to betray him; but Hux knows that only Caleb is close enough to share a cabin with.

Sitting down, he starts to slick salve onto his hands, smirking as Millicent becomes disinterested in him and hops down to curl up in Caleb's lap, knowing that she will get more attention there, right now, than with Hux.

His hands go to Caleb's shoulders, slowly working on the slow muscles, long fingers digging into the flesh there. And yes, Hux is always tired, always running on much too little sleep--but that will never change, most likely. He can't remember when he has ever taken leave.

Perhaps he should. Though really Eudio had been a form of leave, had it not?

Letting out a little hum, he focuses on the task at hand. "I will make us some soup, then, before we retire." He always keep some packets in the room, with extra fortification. It isn't the best, but unless Caleb suggests ordering something, it is always his default on nights like this.

Caleb's head drops forward and he gives a soft, subdued groan of relief at the comfortable and occasionally (necessarily) painful pressure of Hux's fingers into his muscles. Millicent makes herself comfortable and he rewards her with a gentle stroke of the warm fur along her jaw, listening to her purr away. The combination of her warmth and purrs and Hux working the ache out of his stiff shoulders could almost be enough to put him to sleep then and there.

He closes his eyes and allows himself the chance to just enjoy the rare moment of calm comfort before he responds.

"Soup will do fine. It sounds nice." Warm, soothing, easy. It would do them both some good to have and would require minimal effort on the part of either of them.

"How was your day?" It's a question he always hesitates to ask, not because he doesn't care or want to know, but because Hux always seems so weary and worn, Caleb doesn't want to contribute to it by making him recount his stresses and frustrations.

Hux smiles softly, privately, at the sound Caleb makes. It feels good to know he can do something with his hands that is less mechanical, less technical. I uses his mind so often, but to do something healing with his hands...it feels good. It warms something in him he tries to hide away. The purr of Millicent, the warmth of Caleb...he has a family here. One that he made himself. He would destroy the Galaxy to keep it safe.

"Excellent. I'll start it when I'm done, here." His hands slide down a bit lower, working at shoulder blades, then up to the base of his neck. He focuses on the areas he knows he carries his stress--Caleb is never as stressed as he is, but there is tension and soreness from work just the same.

At the question of how his day is, he just lets out a hum, feeling the exhaustion truly start to set in. "Nothing particularly interesting. The negotiations with the Mandalores continue...and continue to frustrate me. But I think we are gaining more traction." Mandalore dislikes how cerebral he is--they want a battle to prove his worth, and refuse to take Ren or Phasma as a proxy. But he refuses to fight, knowing he's lose, regardless how smart he is.

Caleb would be quick to argue such extremes were hardly necessary, but he relaxes into Hux's touch easily, letting his own stress and worry eb and focusing on listening to Hux's words and the sound of Millicent in his lap. He strokes her fur with a soft smiles and closes, his eyes, thinking over what he had read of the Mandalores, and remembering the other bits of the negotiations Hux had been filling him in on with their talks or files on the data pads. He isn't good with the politics, but he tries to keep up with it all and offer his thoughts where he can.

"I imagine it's hard to make them see reason on that front, given what you've shown me of their cultural background. I know you will stick firm, and even if they do not respect that the same way eventually they have to at least admire your tenacity and refusal to back down." Maybe, maybe not, but he liked to hope things could end peacefully, if tense. He doesn't like the idea of Hux having to compromise on something like this that would put him further in a line of danger. His status alone is enough to worry Caleb on rebel factions or unrest lining him in their targets for assassination.

"Thank you for this." His voice softens more, his tone dipping lower as he leans over Millicent a bit and drags her gently closer to his chest. "I could have just taken another shower." But he's tired, and this is easier and nicer. He'll have to get Hux to let him repay the favor eventually. The level of tension that he holds in his shoulders alone with the weight and frustration of it all. Caleb winces at the thought.

"This should be reversed, you know. You need this far more than I do."

"I could just blow up their damn planet," Hux lets out a breath through his nose, annoyed, but he tries to let it go, "But I don't want to resort to that, again. Ever." Not if they can avoid it. It was a drastic measure for drastic times, and that is not now. "They've always been a complicated planet...I'll find some solution. Find a way to make them think they are the ones making the decisions, somehow."

Hux blinks, realizing he was getting lost in work again, when he realizes that Caleb was talking. He has to smile a little at the way that he is curled up with Millicent. How he lived without them, before he went to Eudio, he isn't sure. It had been much harder, to be sure.

"You could have. But this is relaxing for me as well you know." He moves a hand to brush into Caleb's hair, shifting his body a bit closer. "You can make it up to me later." Probably be more helpful for him to get one before he goes to work, than after; keeps him from storming into the throne room with enough tension to scare everyone.

"If anyone can get it to work without resorting to that." He trails off, knowing he's being repetitive. Hux really doesn't need the reassurance, or the reminder of what he already knows. For all the troubles negotiations and deals may give him, he's more than competent. Caleb sees what he's capable of, he knows the rest of Hux's people do, too. They wouldn't follow him with the loyalty they did if they did not believe in him.

"People wouldn't respond well to the alternative." He leans into Hux's leg a bit, for the comfort of the pressure, and closes his eyes, relaxing again and letting Millicent curl back up in his lap. It's a relief, really, hearing Hux offer him the opportunity. He knows the work he does is important enough, that Hux appreciates what Caleb does and how far he's come. But it's far more reassuring to be able to help him on a more personal level. More rewarding, even.

The hand in his hair is a comfortable, welcome touch that he leans into as much as Millicent leaned into the fingers that brushed along her jaw.

"I will." His response is firmer with that, more self-assured. He would make it up to him, and be sure Hux got some much needed tension out of his system when he did. "Don't think I'll forget." He offers, his voice lighter, his tone a faintly teasing one. As if Hux would try to pull one over on him. But he just glances up over his shoulder with a smile that reaches his eyes warmly.

Edited (sleepy tag edit) 2017-02-04 03:25 (UTC)

"...mmm...as long as Ren doesn't do anything rash, of course." The man is his friend, of course, but sometimes he causes problems for him in the worst ways. He suddenly feels bone weary. This is what he wanted; to have this power, to have this sort of control. He knew it was never going to be easy, but yet it is still so much harder than he ever knew.

He snorts, allowing his emotions to run freely in the comfort in their private quarters. "People respond depending on how things are spun. Still, I will avoid it if I can." For Caleb's sake, if for no one else's. He was so much more sentimental than he was.

Hux has to smile a little when he sees Caleb smile at him, turning his head towards him. What did he ever do to deserve this sort of devotion. Not devotion to the First Order, to the cause, to the creation of HUX that he has made...but to Armitage, and all his flaws. He sighs, and leans down, pressing his lips to Caleb's cheekbone softly.

"I doubt you would. I never would." Both of them have the longest memories.

Their time in Eudio had made Caleb far more prone to displays of physical affection, and while he was meticulously good at avoiding them outside their quarters, the press of Hux's lips to his cheek has Caleb lifting an arm up behind himself to wrap around Hux's shoulders briefly.

Hux was accurate in his assessment. Caleb's loyalty was to him more than anything else, but that loyalty was absolute and through it he was dedicated to helping Hux achieve his cause. There were times he disagreed with the other man, sometimes more vocally and stubbornly than others, but never so much that he wasn't still supportive in the end. He didn't agree with everything Hux did, everything the First Order did, or every decision that had to be made, but if Hux had wanted someone to blindly say yes to everything he would ask one of his soldiers, and not Caleb.

So it's perhaps the darker influence of Hux that draws out his next comment, while Hux is still so close and his voice is quiet but not as soft as usual. Just the hint of a dangerously sharp edge to it.

"You could always set Ren on them before he can. If they retaliated, the First Order would have to do something." That's not fair talk, and it's not his usual stance on matters. But he also had learned a lot about the people Hux was up against, and he wasn't ignorant to the way they preferred things handled. Maybe it was exhaustion talking, or his fears for Hux, or just how long it seemed they had been causing issue for the First Order.

"Come on." He says afterwards, letting his arm drop back down and brushing his comment off. "Let's make ourselves that soup before you fall asleep."

Hux accepted the small hug around his shoulders without any stiffness, without hesitation. It felt good, to be able to indulge in this way--even if it was that--an indulgence.

His fingers move to slide over Caleb's shoulders, splaying over his chest slightly as he listens to his words, a hint of a smirk pulling at his lips. Some people thought Caleb was all light, and Hux was all darkness; but the truth was they were mixtures of both, in varying degrees. Letting out a soft hum, he nods his head. "I wise idea. One I think Ren would like, too--he gets tired of control."

Letting go, Hux stands, because they do need to eat. "Of course." He moves over to the small sink and counter area they have in the room, opening the drawer where he keeps the instant soup. His movements are more slow than usual, but still precise as he starts to work on two bowls.

There was a time Caleb hung back while Hux worked in the kitchen, not wanting to get in his way or crowd him. He had learned over time where the boundaries were and how close he could be or where in the kitchen he could fit himself to stay close to Hux without getting in the way or making things uncomfortable.

He slips behind Hux to get them both something to drink, sliding the glasses along the counter and leaning on it just off to the side to watch Hux work. It was clear he was tired, that wasn't new. Caleb was used to seeing Hux push himself too long, too far, and too hard. He could hardly be one to say anything without it being hypocritical, but he did push now and then to try and make sure Hux wasn't in any danger of slipping from exhaustion or hunger.

He smiles a little, a small gesture at the corner of his lips and shakes his head.

"It would almost be a vacation for him, I think." He let his thoughts drift back to Ren. He had confidence in the man's ability to handle himself, but he hoped if things did go that route, that Ren would make it back in one piece. He seemed a tad reckless, and Caleb didn't want to think of him becoming seriously wounded for an idea he offered.

Then again, with Hux knowing Ren was going instead of waiting for Ren to act on his own, they could take measures to ensure he didn't get too badly hurt or in inescapable danger.

Soup is easy; pour in the mix, put in the instant hot water, stir. Here, things are quick, efficient. It may not taste as good as some of the things back in Eudio, but it is instant, nutritious. They aren't here for taste. The 'tasty' things could come from other sources--not when they are exhausted and eating in their room.

Hux glances up at Caleb as he mixes the soups, managing a very tired smile as he looks at the other man. It's a look he would only give him--something vulnerable and soft. This is a place where he manages to be open. He isn't sure what he would do without him, these days; when he is bone weary and unsure after putting a face of strength forward for everyone else.

"It would; being uncaged...he needs it." Hux finishes and gathers up both bowls and moves to sit on the bed, back bowed as he sinks down. He offers one to Caleb, trying to stifle a yawn. "Sometimes I think he wishes I would be attacked, have an assassination attempt, just so he could murder someone quickly."

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We're damaged people, drawn together

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